I hear that sort of thing a lot. I mean, if I had a dollar for every time I heard it, or for every time I heard someone claim that they could “talk to the dead,” I wouldn’t need another one. On top of that, when I realized I’m a medium, I was literally stunned at the number of people I knew who followed suit, claiming that they could communicate with souls who have passed on.

One woman used to tell me how she had, “Anthony moments,” in which souls started talking to her passing on messages to their loved ones. To be honest, why anyone would want to develop an ability to hear messages from souls, or what they think are messages, is beyond me.

Let me clarify that - I can understand why someone would want to hear from their loved ones who have passed on, but most people don’t understand the accountability that comes with being able to communicate with those who have crossed over to Heaven. Those same people usually don’t understand that being able to communicate with souls is not a gift that benefits the person who is able to do so. If it were, I’d be the sort of spiritual saint most people expect me to be!

What it is instead, is a responsibility to pass messages along to those who need to hear them, typically without knowing why. As desperate as people are to hear these messages, the souls on the Other Side are just as desperate to pass them along. They want us to know that they continue on, in a plane of existence marked with peace, love and joy, so that the holidays can be a time of the same for us as well, not one in which we are falling down in our loss.

This produces a real emotional tightrope that is walked everyday by people who are able to bridge the gap between the living and those who have passed, and deliver messages to families who so desperately need hope. It's especially more so at this time of the year.

Recently, I cringed when I saw a book about how to become a medium. To make things worse, it was written by a medium who, in my opinion, should know better.

I believe that legitimate psychics are people who have paid attention to their “psi” abilities, and developed them. So psychic ability, intuition, and listening within can be developed and sharpened, but mediumship cannot be learned. You’re either a medium, or you’re not, period.

I told the young woman who most recently asked me if I could teach her that if she wanted to develop anything, I thought it should be the gift of being a good friend, a good listener, a soul full of love for everyone this holiday season, and beyond. Now, those would be talents worth developing and sharing with others.

If only she, and others who wanted to help those around them alleviate their grief would do so by just listening to, and offering a shoulder to lean on sometimes, to someone who’s depressed over the loss of a loved one this holiday season, they would be of more help to that person than I ever could as a medium.

Being a medium is my journey on this earth; creating heaven on earth is the journey we all share, however we're asked to do it, with whatever abilities we're given. If everyone sharpened their skills at being a perfect soul, imagine the change that would come over the world.

Finally, if everyone could hear messages from their loved ones in the hereafter, then there wouldn’t be any lessons to be learned by struggling through our grief. “Easy for you to say, Anthony, after all you can hear them!”

Maybe so, but when I lose someone I love it hurts just as much, and I miss them just as much. When that happens, I need the ear that listens, and the shoulder to lean on too. Not just me, but any other medium.

If people really thought more about it, the less they would want the kind of responsibility that comes with being a medium. Please keep in mind, this is something I never asked of God to be able to do. That’s why, especially in this season in which presents are given, and received, I think of what I do more as an ability, not a gift.